Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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