If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize