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As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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