I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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