Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize