How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The police scanner is talking about you again....
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3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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