bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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