take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize