so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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