just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
God, I missed his penis.
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