if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize