Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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