its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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