your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
there is puke in my bra ... again
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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