he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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