I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He felt like a one man threesome
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize