Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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