I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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