Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize