I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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