I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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