I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize