everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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