dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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