drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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