I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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