just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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