This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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