his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize