I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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