I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize