I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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