I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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