at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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