where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize