New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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