wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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