FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize