Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
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Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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