he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize