I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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