Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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