just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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