Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
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If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
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In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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