If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You have to summon your inner elephant
I FOUND THE LEGS
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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