thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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