If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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