A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
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Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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