Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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