it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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