Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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